I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a friend until last year when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him. Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of lovers. However, we love each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only but by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl…
“Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?” I asked.
“I can’t”
“Why? You need to study at home?” I felt disappointment grabbing me.
“No… I am going to meet a friend…”
He was always like that. He met girls in front of me like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word ‘love’ only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say ‘I love you’ before. To us, there weren’t any anniversaries at all. He didn’t say anything from the first day and it continued till the 100th day… 200th day… Everyday before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday without fail. I don’t know why…
Then one day…
Me: Um, Jin, I…
Jin: What… Don’t drag, just say...
Me: I love you.
Jin: ...You... Um, just take this doll and go home.
That was how he ignored my ‘three words’ and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday filled my room, one by one. There were many…
Then one day my 15th year old birthday arrived. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him. Hence I stayed at home in my room and waited for his call. Lunch passed... Dinner passed… And soon the sky was dark… He still didn’t call. I was already tired from looking at the phone for the whole day. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.
Me: Jin…
Jin: Here… Take this…
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What’s this?
Jin: I didn’t give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I’m going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what day is today?
Jin: Today? Huh?
I felt devastated, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen. Then I shouted…
“Wait…”
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me
I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him.
But he simply said, “I don’t want to say that I love someone so easily... If you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else.”
That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb… I collapsed to the ground. He didn’t want to say it easily… How could he… At that moment, I felt that… Maybe he is not the right guy for me…
After that day, I found myself stranded at home crying everyday. He didn’t call me even though I waited for his call. He continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That’s how those dolls piled up in my room… Everyday.
After a month, I pull myself together and went to school. But the pain resurfaced when I saw him on a street with another girl… He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me… I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room. Tears fell… Why did he give these to me… Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls… In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him and this is going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.
Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn’t help hating himfor acting like nothing had happened and making a joke out of it. Soon, he held out the doll as usual to hand it over to me.
Me: I don’t need it.
Jin: What? Why?
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don’t need this doll, I don’t need it anymore!! I don’t want to see a person like you again!
I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, he was shaking.
“I’m sorry” He apologized in a tiny voice. He walked over to the road to pick up the doll…
Me: You are so stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!
But he ignored me and went to pick the doll. Then…
Honk~ Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
“Jin! Move! Move away!” I shouted… But he didn’t hear me as he squatted down and picked up the doll.
“Jin, move!” HONK~!!
“Boom!” A terrifying sound rang through the whole neighbourhood..
That’s how he left me. That’s how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.
Since that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and sadness of losing him.
After spending two months in despair, I took out the dolls. Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the number days when we were in love…
“One… Two… Three…” That was how I started to count the dolls…
“Four hundred and eighty four… Four hundred and eighty five…” It ended with 485 dolls.
I started to cry again with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly and then suddenly…
“I love you~, I love you~” I dropped the doll in shock.
“I…. lo..ve… you??” I picked up the doll and pressed it's stomach.
“I love you~ I love you~” It can’t be! I pressed all the dolls on their stomachs.
“I love you~”
“I love you~”
“I love you~”
Those words came out non-stop. I… love you… Why didn’t I realize that? His heart was always by my side protecting me! Why didn’t I realize that he loved me this much? I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it’s stomach. That was the last doll. The one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. I recognized the voice that I was missing so much.
“Jo… Do you know what day is today? We’ve been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn’t say I love you…. Um… Since I was too shy… If you will forgive me and take this doll, I will say I love you everyday till I die… Jo… I love you…”
The tears came flowing out of my eyes. Why? Why? I asked god. Why do I only know about all this now? He can’t be by my side but he loved me until his last minute…
For that reason… To me… It became courage… To live a beautiful life.
If you love someone, let him/her know. Live a life bravely and truthfully and you will have no regrets.
Dolls
Chris
It had been raining for more than a week, so much rain it made everyday seemed so restless and gloomy. She called and said she was coming up. It was the third time she came up to see me that week. I carried her excuse of why she came all the way here and went to meet her at the nearby seven-eleven. She was standing there alone, carrying her red umbrella. Her friend had dropped her off. It was raining and she was shivering. She looked weak and fragile in the harsh rain, wearing not enough to keep her warm.
I walked up to her and said, "You shouldn't come see me anymore," and stuff like how we shouldn't be together.
She said, "I miss you."
I told her coldly, "Lets go, I'll take you home."
She did not open up her umbrella, I knew she wanted to share mine.
I said, "Open up your umbrella, let's go."
Unwillingly, She opened up her umbrella and walked with me to the car. She said she hadn't eat lunch or dinner and asked if we could stop at some place to eat.
Right away I answered with a stoned heart, "No!"
Disappointed, she asked me to take her to the train station, she said she would take the train back home.
Maybe it was the rain, all the trains were full of people with umbrellas and suit cases who were eager to get home, not caring about who just passed by. We waited and waited, she looked at me innocently. Being together for so long, of course I knew what she meant. I understand how she must have felt when she came all the way here in this kind of weather and I treated her like this. With her soft eyes staring at me, I felt guilt and wanted to let her stay for the night.
But reality struck again, I said to her coldly, "Let's go try the other train station."
We were living in the same apartment building, on the same floor. Back then there were four of us, and we got along well. We would always eat dinner together, watch movies, and sometimes go camping. We were more like a family, but I didn't know I would end up falling in love with the only girl of the four. Maybe it was during the last year of college, having lived together for two years, we developed deep feelings for each other. After she graduated, she went back home and I stayed for one more year to finish school. During that year I was only able to take the train down to see her on holidays, but never for long. That was how we kept the treasured relationship.
We were walking along the side of the road. She was in front of me and I was right behind her. Her umbrella had a broken spoke. She looked liked a wounded soldier, carrying her rusted rifle walking weakly. Many times, she was too deep in thoughts and drifted off the road. She almost got hit by the cars passing by. I wanted to just take her in my arms, but with the love I had for her and the constant pain in my stomach, I did nothing. On the way, we passed by the park where we used to always go.
She begged and said, "Lets go in the park for just a little while please, I promise I'll go home right after this."
My cold heart softened at her pleas, but I still put up an annoyed face and walked into the park. I was just sitting on the benches looking like I wanted to leave. She went to the big oak tree and she was looking for something. I knew she was looking for what we wrote on that tree with a silver ink pen half a year ago.
If I remember it right, it said,
"Chris and Susan was here,
Chris had tea and Susan was drinking hot chocolate.
Hope Chris and Susan would always remember this day,
always loving each other, forever."
She was looking around for quite a while, then she came back slowly with tears on her face.
She said, "Chris, I can't find it, it's not there anymore."
I felt so sour inside, there was a stream of pain flowing into my heart, the kind of pain I've never felt before.
But all I could do was pretend I didn't care, and said, "Can we go now?"
I opened up my big black umbrella, while she simply stood there, not wanting to leave yet, hoping there was still a chance.
She said, "You made up the story of you and that other girl didn't you? I know I frustrate you sometimes, but I'll change, can't we start over?"
I didn't say a word, looked down and shook my head. After which, we just kept on walking towards the train station without saying a single word to each other.
Four years ago, the doctor said I had cancer, but it was found early, so it was still curable. Thinking that it was okay, I started living my normal life again and even forgot about the cancer. I didn't think about the cancer again and did not go back to the doctor. Until a month ago, my stomach was hurting for two weeks straight, and the nightmare awakened. First I thought the pain would go away, but it grew stronger until it came to the point that I couldn't take it anymore. I went back to the doctor and took an X-ray. The picture came out and there was a big black spot which proved the truth that I did not want to believe. I was at the most glittering part of my life but it was coming to an end. I wanted myself and the people around me to go through the least pain possible, so I decided to commit suicide. But I couldn't let people find out about my intentions, especially Susan, the person I love the most in this whole world, who still doesn't know about the truth. Susan was still young, she shouldn't have to go through this. So I made up some stories and lied to her. It was a cruel thing to do and it broke her heart, but it was the fastest way to wipe out three years of feelings. I didn't have much time because I would soon start to loose hair and she would find out eventually. But now I'm close to succeeding. This drama would soon be over. Thirty minutes more this would all come to an end, that was what I had in mind.
The train had stopped running so I called a taxi for her. We were just standing there waiting, loosing our last moments in silence. I saw the taxi arriving from a distance.
I held my tears and said to her, "Take care of yourself, take good care of yourself."
She didn't talk but simply nodded lightly and then opened up her misshaped umbrella and stepped out onto the street. Out in the rain, we became two single life forms, one red, one black, so far away from each other. I opened the door for her and she got in, then I close the gate that would separate me from her forever. I stood by the car, staring into the dark window at the first and last love in my life, walking out of my life. The car took off into the street. Finally I couldn't hold my sorrow and the twisted lies in my heart any longer. I waved my arms rapidly and chased after the taxi, because I knew this would be the last time I see her. I wanted to tell her I still love her. I wanted to tell her to stay. I wanted to tell her so much. However, the taxi had already turned into the corner. Warm tears streamed down my face, blended together with the cold raindrops. I was cold not because of the rain. I was cold inside.
She left, and I didn't get anymore of her phone calls even until today. I know she didn't see my tears, because they were washed away by the rain. I left without regrets. But I'm not Chris, I'm that girl Susan, using my memory and his diary I found one year after he left, writing down these last words.
Miracle Of Love
“Wouldn't it be nice if we...”
The all time popular song from beach boys was playing while I got off the train on the same boring Monday.
Actually, this song could be my favourite one because I really like its melody. Unfortunately, its lyrics are kind of making me sick.
After I broke up with my girlfriend, I don't really feel like loving anyone again. Being an honest man doesn't always turn out well. The world is always grey and my life is always blue…
I got out from the train station and crossed the road at the same crowded junction to get to my office which is located at the opposite side of the road. While I was busy crossing the road, I heard an incredibly sweet voice calling me from the back.
"Ben!"
I wasn't sure that someone was really calling me at first. I did not turn my face back because I was in the middle of a dangerous street. However, I looked back in the direction of the original voice when I got to the opposite side.
I thought I saw an angel at that moment. The beautiful girl who called me was sitting in a car. The scene was like in a music video and my surroundings blurred as I only had eyes for her then. She was a very beautiful girl.
We didn't have a chance to talk because the traffic light turned green and her car had to move. I didn't recognize the girl was but it seems that she knows me very well.
I decided to forget about it. There was no use thinking about it because I thought I will not see her again in my life time anyway.
My short romantic incident became a funny topic among my colleagues while we were waiting for the elevators to go down for lunch.
It was very crowded as usual.
I was talking to my colleagues about football while the elevator doors opened. Being a gentleman, I held on to the ‘door open’ button and let the females go first. The elevator was full of people and it was likely that I have to wait for another one. The door was closing as I released the button. Strangely, I felt one pair of eyes staring hard at me from inside the elevator.
I turned to the eyes and all of sudden, I saw the lady in the morning staring at me.
Oh god. We meet again.
It was too late to rush into the elevator unless I push an old lady out of the lift and replace her. The lady used her lips to ask me silently whether I worked here or not. I was able to read her lips and nodded. The elevator doors closed. I smiled… It was almost a laugh as I couldn’t contain my joy.
It seemed that a new chapter of my love story had just begun.
I was thinking intensively about her in the afternoon. I still didn't recognize who she was but again, she seemed to know me very well. I knew that she's working in the same building as me but it didn't help that the building was gigantic.
I decided to leave everything to cupid and start clearing up the pile of work in front of me. I checked my email. Everything seemed to be normal until I saw one email. The subject looked like another spam email.
“Subject: Hi Ben, so glad to see you again.”
I was about to delete it but luckily, I glanced at the sender’s name. It was a strange but very familiar name, Falerryne Jacob. I recognized the name only after a few seconds. I tried to put together the jigsaw pieces.
"Oh My god!"
I was crying out loud. The mystery was solved. There were not many people in the world having such a strange name.
Falerryne was my really close high school friend. We walked back home together after school almost everyday. We had such a good old time together before graduation and never met up again for almost ten years! I didn’t want to call it my first love because we were very young at that time but I remembered that we had the best time together. It was one of the happiest periods in my life. The period I always wanted to retrieve back.
“Alright, let's prove it.” I thought as I opened the email.
There was nothing except one link. http://www.kinglishschool.com/friendtest/fairly_test
It seemed that I had no choice but to follow the link. The link led me to some kind of quiz or questionnaire. The three questions quiz was a bit silly but it really made me laugh.
1. Do you know who I am? (If the answer is B, please continue to the second question.)
A. Yes, the annoying girl who called you in the morning.
B. Very familiar...
C. Do I have to?
2. Think and answer. Who I am? (If the answer is B, please continue to the third question.)
A. Your soul mate in the last life.
B. Your old time pal in school.
C. The second cousin of your mother-in-law who is the sister of your aunt's nephew.
3. So what are you going do, handsome?
A. Call Miss Fairly back right now.
B. Go home and take half a day off.
C. Contact your supervisor for sexual harassment.
Now the mystery is solved. This is one of the biggest coincidences in my life. My very close old friend got a job in the same company as mine.
I answered those questions, checked her contact number from the employee repository list and started dialling… to begin the new chapter of my love story.
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