MY LIFE - MY WORLD

我喜欢一个男孩子，固执的喜欢了7年……现在，正要开始第8个年头。
    我们目前已经断联372天了，整整一年多没有任何联系了。因为去年的端午我第一次跟他表白，被拒绝后，我删除了有关他的一切，包括他所有的通讯方式。直到 前不久，我才听死党话，存下他的号码，以后，朋友还是要做的。刚才，就在刚才，因为我终于亲手设计了一个他的卡通形象，姐妹们都说好像。所以我很兴奋的想 发给他看，于是就鼓起勇气，屁颠屁颠的去取手机打电话给他。第一次，拨通了，听筒里传来小酒窝的彩铃。哇靠，心里超紧张的，比高考时都紧张。身边姐妹也一 脸凝重的看着我，她们习惯我这样没出息了~然后……被挂断了。咦~断了？怎么回事啊？哎呀，肯定是他按错了吧，不慌不慌，再打一次喽~通啦通啦，"您所拨 打的号码是空号，请查询后再拨。。。”不会吧？也许是移动出问题了，怎么会空号呢，刚才明明还通的，不可能啦！最后试一次哈~！……“您所拨打的号码是空 号……”真的，真的，是空号。他，把我，设成，黑名单了。
    我想知道，一个人到底是有多讨厌另一个人，才会把TA设成黑名单呢？他，就这么讨厌我么？我，就这么令他讨厌么？我做了什么，让他这样讨厌，以至于要设为黑名单！
    从未奢求，从未纠缠，从未打扰，为什么，还会变成这样……
    忘不了第一次见他时，他穿着橘色球服出现在班门口，对着座位旁的我微笑。那一刻，心里是花开的声音，叮然响成一片。
    同桌的那段日子是我最快乐的时光。我们传纸条，一起查字典，谈论霆锋的新绯闻，互相攻击，为口水泡泡大打出手……
    在我心目中，他是骄傲的王子，是纯洁的天使，而我，不是公主，甚至连成为灰姑娘的运气也没有。朋友们都说我是个很强势的女孩，可是，在他面前，我就是骄傲 不起来，还卑微到了尘土里。所以，我把自己的位置定格于男孩那一栏。当不了他的女友，就让我做他的哥们儿吧。只要，能静静看着他，哪怕什么都不说，也是好 的。
    这样一看，就是七年。在这期间，我看着他的个头越来越高，头发越来越长，轮廓越来越清晰，越来越安静，越来越成熟，越来越招女孩子喜欢…也，距我…越来越远。
   高中分校后开始通信，他诉说自己追不到那个女孩子很痛苦，我就讲义气的给他支招，比他还急。他告诉我终于追到了，我就当面大笑着祝福，回到家后大哭一场，诅咒那个女生不得好死，然后继续默默喜欢他。
   只要他不理我，我就不去打扰他。没错，我认为自己的存在对他而言是种多余的打扰。每次看到他和别的女生怎样怎样的消息，我就发誓再也不要喜欢他，可最后还 是没有骨气的继续做那些他根本不知道的傻事。绣抱枕，折星星，拼拼图，做蛋糕，织围巾，制相册…那些我想要送给他的小玩艺早已经堆满了我的书柜，一根色色 表情的棒棒糖，一个超囧的手机链，一对精致的尾戒，一只像他一样呆呆的小熊…每次看到这些可爱的小东西，我的第一反应就是买给他。我真的想把全世界最好的 东西都送给他。这么多年过去了，我总是反复做着一个相同的梦，梦里我拖着大大的行李箱去找他，里面装满我买给他的礼物，衣着光鲜的出现在他面前，告诉他， 我喜欢他，一直喜欢…
   去年端午时，他来保定找我玩，我们一起报团去野三坡。那时没想到他要来，开心疯了，走路都会笑。他来之前，我计划好久~想要在他下车的瞬间就冲过去给他个 大大的拥抱，想自然的靠在他肩膀上看窗外的风景，想趁他睡着时偷偷的亲他一下，想在爬山时让他牵起我的手，想在篝火晚会时为他唱首同桌的你，想找个合适的 机会跟他表白…可是，一见到他冷冷的样子，我就什么都没勇气做了。在旅行过程中，团里都是情侣，我们也算冒牌的一对。但即使他靠的我再近，那份情深却是怎 样都伪装不出来的，形似神不似，无论是眼神还是语气，我们都是那样疏离的感觉。同行的一个新疆男孩子开玩笑说：“你也太惯他了吧，对男朋友不能太好 的……”连导游都说：“你男朋友好腼腆啊！你肯定很爱他吧，你一看他眼神都那么温柔…”我苦笑，连外人都看得出我是情深的那一方，我想他也是知道的吧，只 不过他选择假装不了解罢了。旅行回来后，宿舍姐妹都说看我很不开心的样子，其实我没有郁闷，只是平静而已。平静的接受他把我当男生这个事实。无论我怎么打 扮，怎么温柔，怎么撒娇，在他心中，我都是个男孩子。我学习化妆，穿美美的裙子，努力用柔柔的语调说话，练习他喜欢的歌曲，关注他喜欢的事物，参加他有过 的辩论赛……我做的所有我能做的，可是，还是没用。我还能做什么呢？？
   今年清明时，我去了天津，他的大学。但是我没有联系他，因为，我怕找到他时，他正牵着其他女孩的手笑靥如花，又或者，他看到我，只是随意的打个招呼，然后 就say goodbye，那我又该怎么办呢？甚至，我都不确定，他，是否，还记得我……所以，我只是把想对他说的话写了三张纸条，交给了在他校园里先后遇到的3个 同学。我告诉他们，‘如果你们恰好有一天认识了这个男生，就帮我把纸条交给他，如果一直不认识，也没关系，那就不用给了，反正也是无关紧要的话而已，我只 是想看看我们有没有缘分罢了。’他们不认识我，但他们都愿意帮我。我忘记了留他们的联络方式，现在，我不知道那3位同学有没有帮我送，也不知道那么大的一 所学校会有多少人与他同名，更不知道他现在有没有收到哪怕一张纸条。我只知道，这是我长这么大以来，做的最不靠谱，最傻X，最疯狂，也是最浪漫的一件事 了。如果他收到了，没有感动，哪怕，只是会心一笑，那么，也是值得的。
   我有时会固执的想，好吧，就这样喽，他可以不喜欢我，但我就是要无条件地对他好，他这辈子欠了我的情，那么，下辈子，是该还我了吧，给不了我今生，许我一 个来世还不可以吗？哪怕相爱一天亦足够，我多想知道被冷冷的他宠溺是怎样的感觉，因为单恋实在是太过悲伤，我觉得自己快要承载不下去了。他是个像花泽类一 样的男孩子，所以，我总是对忧郁安静型完全没有抵抗力，也曾经试图过代替，我交往的男生都很像他。但我喜欢的，自始至终，都只有他一个人而已。
   我不是个贪婪的孩子，我最大的梦想就是可以永远以朋友的身份陪伴在他身边，在他需要的时候给予帮助。因为他，我想成为更优秀的。可是，即使我跌的遍体凌 伤，也阻止不了时间的车辙从我们纤弱的友谊上碾压而过。我们的联系从最初的每周，减少为一个月…三个月…到现在的，一年。我从来不是个主动的人，即使思念 在胸腔翻滚，泪水喷礴而出，也选择沉默。“爱你，我选择沉默。想你，就像是呼吸，无时无刻不在继续。”
   因为他，我改变了好多。从以前的热情活泼到现在的冷漠淡定，喜怒无常。当朋友们都埋怨我不回他们短讯时，我想说，我只是想变成像他那样冷漠的人，那我可以就离他更近一点了，这样也有错么？或许，他并不是对所有人都冷漠，只是，对我，罢了。
   当看到他的一切都改成TIFFANY''s，温柔地叫她宝宝，为她录歌，叮嘱她多吃饭，一起拍美美的照片，许诺一定会娶她，牵她的手走遍大街小巷…我第一 次知道，原来，幸福，真的可以这么具体。我曾经幻想了七年的美好情节，他，真的都和那个女孩做到了。这一刻，请原谅我在电脑屏幕前，泪流满面，请不要嘲笑 我像个孩子似的在众目睽睽下，手足无措…
   现在他马上就要出国留学了，我们连仰望同一片天空的机会都进入了倒计时，你让我怎么能不悲伤呢？若干年后，不知我们又会变成什么样子，巨大的绝望让我心里 翻山倒海的难过。为什么不愿接我电话呢，这次我只是因为小事打给你，你可以这样听也不听的挂掉。可是如果有一天，我发生了什么事，只是想最后听下你声音， 你也会这样毫不犹豫的挂掉么？你有没有想过这可能是最后一次听到我声音？
   我想知道喜欢一个人是一件很可耻的事情吗？如果不是，可为什么他让我有这种感觉。内心像散场的剧院，灯光暗下来，观众离席，只丢我一个在台上穿着小丑装笨 拙的舞动，他就在台下，看着我滑稽的表演，微笑不语。我不知道那个给他没写完的日记还要不要继续，那些为他而练的歌还要不要继续，那些因他而养成的习惯还 要不要继续…
   F，是我为他开心过，流泪过，改变过的人；是我拿出全部热情对待，却没法理智相向的人；是我觉得近在咫尺又遥不可及的人；是我即使再旁边目不转睛的看着他 也会觉得患得患失的人；是我挣扎好久，下定决心发短信给他，但若收不到回复，打死也不会再发第二条的人；是身边朋友好奇怎么会让我的世界鸡犬不宁成这样的 人…
   有些感情是该终结了

My story began a few summers ago. Something was in the air that day. Birds were chirping and everything was alive. I had been depressed for about a year before that day.
I was walking along the beach at the campground when my life would change forever. From a distance I saw a handsome young man admiring me from afar. Our eyes met and it was like nothing I had ever felt before. We began walking closer together like something out of a movie. I felt on top of the world, my eyes were sparkling and my stomach was fluttering, as we walked closer and closer to each other.
When we became close enough to talk, Ji Won got on his knee and said the most romantic things. He stood up and spoke my fluent language, French. At that point I knew he had my heart. We talked until 2.00 a.m. the next morning. It turned out that he lives only about ten minutes from where I was residing.
After I returned home, we started seeing more of each other. Ji Won began to get serious. I fought the depression that I had and soon I was glowing with life and he was the world to me. He became my anything and everything. We had been going out for about six months when he met my mother.
My mother disapproved of Ji Won because of his flaws and soon banned me from seeing him. For a while we went out against her will and had four more months of endless happiness. I had finally met someone whom I loved and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
On our one year anniversary, we went out to a fancy French Restaurant. As we were leaving, a man came out of the shadows with a gun. He took my purse and Ji Won's wallet. Someone saw the crime taking place and screamed at the man to stop. Everything became a blur as Ji Won threw himself in front of me as the gun went off. The robber ran off into the night and left Ji Won to die.
I held him for the longest time as he bled to his death. Right before he died he told me that we would be together again. He said he loved me and I would always be in his heart. My heart was torn in half as he drew his last breath. He lay there dead in my arms staring at me with his crystal blue eyes.
Ji Won died on April 20th 2002. He will always be in my heart. Whenever the wind blows I can still here him whispering sweet nothings in my ear.

It had been raining for more than a week, so much rain it made everyday seemed so restless and gloomy. She called and said she was coming up. It was the third time she came up to see me that week. I carried her excuse of why she came all the way here and went to meet her at the nearby seven-eleven. She was standing there alone, carrying her red umbrella. Her friend had dropped her off. It was raining and she was shivering. She looked weak and fragile in the harsh rain, wearing not enough to keep her warm.
I walked up to her and said, "You shouldn't come see me anymore," and stuff like how we shouldn't be together.
She said, "I miss you."
I told her coldly, "Lets go, I'll take you home."
She did not open up her umbrella, I knew she wanted to share mine.
I said, "Open up your umbrella, let's go."
Unwillingly, She opened up her umbrella and walked with me to the car. She said she hadn't eat lunch or dinner and asked if we could stop at some place to eat.
Right away I answered with a stoned heart, "No!"
Disappointed, she asked me to take her to the train station, she said she would take the train back home.
Maybe it was the rain, all the trains were full of people with umbrellas and suit cases who were eager to get home, not caring about who just passed by. We waited and waited, she looked at me innocently. Being together for so long, of course I knew what she meant. I understand how she must have felt when she came all the way here in this kind of weather and I treated her like this. With her soft eyes staring at me, I felt guilt and wanted to let her stay for the night.
But reality struck again, I said to her coldly, "Let's go try the other train station."
We were living in the same apartment building, on the same floor. Back then there were four of us, and we got along well. We would always eat dinner together, watch movies, and sometimes go camping. We were more like a family, but I didn't know I would end up falling in love with the only girl of the four. Maybe it was during the last year of college, having lived together for two years, we developed deep feelings for each other. After she graduated, she went back home and I stayed for one more year to finish school. During that year I was only able to take the train down to see her on holidays, but never for long. That was how we kept the treasured relationship.

“You’re gonna be okay.” He told her.
She didn’t turn to look at him so he cracked a joke. She giggled when she finally turned her head and saw the hilarious look on his face. She stopped and turned back to her locker when she saw Ricky and his friends walked by.
“Go away Dylan.” She whispered and ran off to the bathroom.
Two days later
Ricky was sitting in his room on his bed in North Carolina. He stared at the wall and thought of his old times with Alice. He missed her. Should he call her? Should he ask his parents to return home? He wasn’t sure and he went back to sleep.
Alice was sitting in her room on her bed back in Vermont. She stared at the wall and thought of her old times with Ricky. She missed him. Should she call him? Should she ask her parents to move? She wasn’t sure and she went back to sleep.
In the morning Ricky got up and went to his phone and dialled Alice’s number. Alice noticed her phone ringing at home. She looked at the number. It was unfamiliar. She did not know that Ricky had a new number. She answered it.
“Alice! I am so sorry. I am going to get my parents to let me come home. I could never let you go. I love you.”
“I love you too. I can’t wait to see you.” She said.
They talked and chatted for a while and for the first time in a few days, Alice felt good.
Three days later
The car was flipping over. Ricky didn’t know what was happening. His face smashed into the window.
‘This is it. I’m going to die.’ He thought.
The car finally stopped and he heard a noise. He thought it was imagining things but he was soon being lifted out of the car.
He woke up in the hospital later in the day. Alice was crying at his side. Her eyes were red.
“Alice??” Ricky whispered.
“Oh Ricky!” She kissed him and he kissed her back.
“I love you.”
“I love you too Alice.” He whispered with his last breath and then his electrocardiograph gave off a sickening continuous beep.
Alice cried her eyes out as the doctors came rushing in and tried to revive him. Ricky died that day. Alice cried at his funeral and never returned home. Her body was found washed up on the side of the beach two years later. Apparently, she had committed suicide to be with the one she loves.
By Kari

He stared at the screen of his computer not sure what to write. His fingers danced over the keys and the mouse as he pressed them but he kept erasing it. He read through their conversation again.
Alice: Hey
Ricky: We need to talk
Alice: About what?
Ricky: Something important…
Alice: Which is?
Finally Ricky began typing.
Ricky: It’s kind of complicated. I don’t know if we can be together anymore. I am moving away and I am not up for a long distance relationship.
Alice: We’re breaking up?
Ricky: Exactly. I don’t want you anymore.
Alice has logged out.
Ricky wanted to cry so badly but he never cried and he wouldn’t start. He would find a new girl to love and take care of. Alice didn’t need him and he didn’t need her. Or did he? He sighed and went to sleep. He didn’t care about her anymore. He couldn’t.
In the morning Alice didn’t go to school. She slept in on purpose. When she finally woke up, she refused to eat breakfast. She refused to go to school and she refused to answer her friends’ text messages. She only read a couple of them and she wouldn’t read the ones from Ricky. She sat and stared at her wall hugging herself and thought of all the times together with Ricky. She cried as she did. She finally got out of bed and wrote a fake sick note and walked to school. She turned it in at the office and went into class. She sat up front in the classroom instead of sitting at the back beside Ricky.
Ricky was sitting at the back of the classroom trying to avoid Alice. There were confused eyes flickering between Ricky and Alice but Ricky pretended not to notice. Ricky and Alice had been the best couple in the school. Later on, Ricky and his friends were talking and laughing and Alice walked by. They stopped laughing. She looked horrible. She stopped at her locker and they looked closely. She was pale white and looked sick. One of Ricky’s best friends, Dylan left the group and walked up to her.

Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived; Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all the others, including Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all repaired their boats and left.
Love wanted to persevere until the last possible moment. When the island was almost sinking, Love decided to ask for help. Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said “Richness, can you take me with you?” Richness answered, “No, I can’t. There is a lot of silver in my boat. There is no place here for you.”
Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel. “Vanity, please help me!” “I can’t help you Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat,” Vanity answered.
Sadness was close by so Love asked for help, “Sadness, let me go with you.” “Oh….Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself.”
Happiness passed by Love too, but she was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her!
Suddenly there was a voice, “Come Love, I will take you.” It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that he even forgot to ask the elder his name. When they arrived at dry land, the elder went his own way.
Love realizing how much he owed the elder, asked Knowledge, another elder. “Who helped me?” “It was Time,” Knowledge answered. “Time?” asked Love. “But why did Time help me?” Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, “Because, only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is.”

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